darling_lisa: (Migraine)
So today? Sucked. Woke up feeling a little nauseated and not so great. That rapidly turned into a raging migraine. I tried to tough it out, took a cocktail of Excedrin, ibuprofin, Benadryl and large amounts of caffeine. No luck. By 11 it felt like I was dying. Literally. My head hurt so much I couldn't breathe. So I gave in and took a Zomig.

Now, normally this wouldn't be an issue, I have the Zomig specifically for this reason. They can only be used to treat migraines, and I refill my RX for them every month because I need them. But in their infinite wisdom, the Insurance companies have decreed that I am only allowed 6 tablets a month. Because that is all anyone could need, right?

Except for the part where it can take anywhere from 2-4 pills to treat ONE MIGRAINE. I get on average, anywhere from 6-10 separate and distinct migraines a month. Now not every migraine requires a Zomig, but the ones that last 5 days? Can eat up my entire month's allotment of pills pretty quickly.

So I try and manage them as best I can, saving the Zomig for the ones that are really bad. As opposed to the ones that are just moderately bad. To give you an idea of my scale I'm using here, imagine your head is in a vise that keeps tightening down with every breath you take. At the same time, your brain is expanding and pressing against the confines of your skull to the point where you swear you can feel cracks developing as your bones threaten to explode outwards. Every beat of your heart causes your veins to pulse and feel as if they are expanding so much they are going to burst out of your body. The light feels like ice picks stabbing into your eyes every time you blink, and any sound louder than a whisper feels like a stadium full of people screaming into your ear at the top of their lungs. Your skin is oversenstive, so even your softest flannel sheets feel like sandpaper rubbing you raw, and your body can't regulate your temperature so you alternate feeling as if you are locked in a freezer with feeling like you have been plunged into the heart of a volcano. And to top it all off, you have nausea worse than the worst case of food poisoning that you ever experienced. Water won't stay down, nothing will. That is a moderately bad migraine for me.

I know I am incredibly lucky to have health insurance through my job, and I thank the Universe constantly for the care that I am able to get. But there is something wrong in our health care system. My doctor thinks I should have a supply of 12 tablets a month, but my insurance carrier limits me to 6 every 30 days. And for those 6 pills, I pay 8x my usual RX co-pay. I can't get a second RX for a different brand of triptan, because the limit applies to all brands. If I wanted to I could pay for the additional 6 out of pocket, but at approx $43 a pill, well that's not going to happen. I have paid for one or two pills out of pocket when I'm having a particularly bad month, but financially I just can't afford that on a regular basis.

I had 3 pills I had been hoarding this month. I am going to England in a week and I wanted to make sure I had pills so I wouldn't miss any of my vacation to lying in bed wishing someone would come park their big rig on my head. But I had to take one of my pills, I could not endure the pain. So now I have 2 left. And if I'm very lucky, I won't need those 2 pills before I leave.

I got a migraine while I was in Canada, I spent most of the day mainlining caffeine and puking in public restrooms because I refused to let my migraine rob me of a day on vacation. I don't want to do that in London, but I will if I have to. I will take my cocktail of OTC meds and pray that I don't end up ruining my kidney and/or liver before I turn 50. I will hoarde my pills like they are the last ones on Earth. I will continue to take meds that are used to treat epilepsy off label on the chance that they are helping reduce the frequency of my migraines, and deal with the side effect. I will go to my Neurologist and ask if there is any new insight into what causes migraines or how to prevent them.

And every month I will get my 6 pills and wonder how long they will last this time.
darling_lisa: (Scream)

You know that Eddie Izzard skit where he is talking about the differences between American and Foreign movies? The one with Sebastian in the attic with the matches and "Perhaps I better had." And then there is the American version, to whit:

It would be a Room with a View of HELL!
Staircase of SATAN!
Pond of DEATH!

"What are ya doin' with the fuckin' matches! Always in here with the fuckin' matches!"

"Hey, shut up! Hey, you fuck my wife? You fuck my wife? You fuck my wife?"

"I *am* your wife."

"Don't matter! Don't matter! You fuck my wife?"

"Yes, I fucked your wife. I am your wife and I fucked her"

"Ahhhh... Oh no! Space Monkeys are attacking!"

"Jeanne, I love you, even though you fucked my wife."

/Everyone dies in a ball of flame, sad and alone/

That is what my life is like right now. Except it's not funny at all. And in fact I kind of want to cry as I sit here metaphorically shouting "I *am* your wife" over and over but no one listens.

Yes, I realize this makes sense to exactly no one but me.

Fuck my life.
darling_lisa: (Scream)
OMG my A/C is broke. It is approximately a million degrees in my apartment and I kind of want to die. So instead of going to Zumba tonight like I a good girl, I am going to take a very cold bath and drink some ice water in the hopes of not bursting into flames.

darling_lisa: (DLM Copier)
So I'm trying not to whine about my job, I really am. But today is one of those days where I am *this* close to tears or just throwing my headset across the room and screaming FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK at the top of my lungs. Neither of which will actually get me anywhere.

So I am turning to you dear flist... share something pretty with me? A pic or a link or a snippet of something... anything to get my mind off the fact that I am in hell.

In return I'll share this Tom Hardy interview with you in which he is adorable beyond belief and makes me want to watch him giggle forever and ever...


Dec. 16th, 2010 08:42 pm
darling_lisa: (I don't even know)
I'm praying its a clerical error, but really Universe? The week before Christmas you throw this shit at me? *sigh* And here I am all frustrated and freaking out and there isn't a damn thing I can do until morning except curse and worry and pray that things can be straightened out easily.

*throws things and wishes could have temper tantrum like a little kid*
darling_lisa: (Hair on fire)
So Lisa, you might ask, why in the hell are you up at 2:17 in the freaking morning?

Good question. Sadly the answer is that I seem to have caught another damn cold. I was feeling tired earlier and laid down for a short nap, only to wake up 6 hours later miserable, wracked with chills and sneezing my head off. I am running a fever and my throat is dry and scratchy. FML.

BUT. The gods are kind and when I did wake up, my iTunes DL of the new Christian Kane CD was waiting for me. (And yes, I'm one of *those* fans, I bought the physical CD off Christian's website so I could get the keychain and necklace as well (but not the VIP package, because really... I live in the desert, when am I going to need a beanie and gloves?) but I wanted the bonus track and I know that the hits on iTunes are going to do more for his standing in the music community.

Anyways. I still think the album is lacking a bit of the rawness that made Kane so special originally, and I know that they wanted/needed to appeal to a wider country audience with this one so that is ok I guess. I am absolutely in love with his cover of Fast Car, just. Yeah. I doubt he will play it live, but man I would love to hear that one in concert. Also if you can get the iTunes version, it is well worth it for the bonus version of Different Kind of Knight. Its accoustic, just Christian and his guitar. Cut for fangirl bit ) It also comes with the extended version of the House Rules video, so if you haven't seen it yet, or wanted a copy of that, there you go. :)
darling_lisa: (Migraine)
So my happiness meme has been missing the past few days, mostly due to the part where a nasty migraine came in and decided to make me it's bitch. I have spent most of the past day and a half to two days either curled up in a ball praying for oblivion or hunched over the toilet throwing up anything I stupidly tried to eat or drink.

I'm at work today, my head is not happy about this, but its deadline tomorrow and the world doesn't stop just because I want to. Keeping a steady stream of caffeine in my blood stream makes things slightly more bearable, but really, I just want a quiet and dark corner where I can hide.

I will continue the meme either later today or tomorrow, depending on how the pain goes, but wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive.
darling_lisa: (13 O Clock)
7:30p Sunday night and what have I done all weekend? Sleep. *sigh*

I was feeling a bit run down all last week and around Wed. or Thurs. I started thinking I had caught a cold. Come Friday and I was positive. Nothing horrible, just a low level fever of around 100 to 101 at its highest, some sneezing and stuffy headed-ness and an overall feeling of blah... but on top of a 52 hour work week, it was draining my energy every second I was awake. I had to teach a class for 8 hours on Friday and by the end of it, I was sooooooooo ready to come home and crawl into bed. Which is basically what I did.

I didn't end up leaving said bed for any time longer than it took to go to the bathrooom or get a cup of water from the kitchen all weekend long. I literally spent the weekend in bed. Most of it sleeping, the 3 hours I've been awake this afternoon/evening is the longest block of consciousness I've managed since Friday night. I also managed to miss most meals and consequently feel as weak as a newborn colt, but I've got some homemade chicken noodle soup warming up now and once I eat that I think I'll have a shower and then go right back to bed.

In the meantime, I am enjoying the Supervisory gig so far. Of course most of my team is in training right now, so I reserve the right to change my mind once they hit the floor.

Still no plane tickets to ConCon, but hoping to rectify that with my first paycheck in Feb. Also starting to get way excited as I bought my ticket for the Kane concert this past friday and its slowly becoming more real. Little over 45 days or so I think and I SO can't wait!

Have gotten no writing done this weekend, which is a bit nerve-wracking as I have my p2w story due soonish as well as my 2 [livejournal.com profile] help_haiti fics due as well. I'm not as worried about my AU Big Bang as I have a bit longer to go before that one is due, but the 3 above are all due in about 2 weeks. But I also have a needy dark fic POV that is whispering in the back of my head almost constantly as well as a Hades JDM that is all kinds of cranky with me right now.

Tv has been awesomesauce lately and I am so head over heels for White Collar it's not even funny. It ranks just below Leverage in my tv love. (Sorry Burn Notice, I still love you too... but you moved one spot down the ladder.) I am enjoying Caprica so far, and the new season of RuPaul's Drag Race starts tomorrow and that has me all kinds of gleeful even if I don't have anyone to squee over it with. I was not overly impressed with the last episode of Supernatural, but I have hopes that this week's will make up for it. And really the "Pudding!" adorableness is still going, so boys have a buy for a week.

And really, I'm just wittering over nothing now so I should wrap this up. Here's to hoping that this week is better (altho at this point I'm prolly looking at 56 hours at work since I have to work next weekend...)
darling_lisa: (Default)

So it's 3am and I went to bed a few hours ago feeling normal but tired. Woke up and in the past hour I've thrown up 3x and am running a fever of 101.9. There is a nasty storm outside and it sounds like the windows of my bedroom are going to be blown in and apparently there is some kind of door opening and closing fiesta going on in the hallway of my apt complex. I am miserable and prolly sick and on the verge of tears for no apparent reason.
darling_lisa: (I don't even know)
Another banner week Chez Lisa. After my meltdown on Monday, I foolishly thought the week would get better. Tuesday brought news of a funeral, my best friend's mother being diagnosed with cancer and 4head's seizures coming back. Wed. I hid from the world and had a bit of a nervous breakdown. Yesterday and today? I just survived.

Gonna have to work a few hours this weekend to cover for the missed time from Monday, but other than that I have absolutely nothing planned. I need to decompress and relax a bit. I haven't slept more than 4 hours a night all week long, I'd really like to change that this weekend, but I don't want to sleep the whole damn weekend either. I do hope to write... started a Steve/Christian bit for [livejournal.com profile] canadiangoddess tonight and the boys are currently in the middle of a screaming match (but I already know how they make up... its just getting them to that point,) and there is an uber angsty Jeff/Steve prompt from [livejournal.com profile] badfalcon with Steve singing Amazing Grace in it that has been eating away at my brain all day long. Writing is some kind of stress relief valve when I can do it... so hopefully I can actually get these out and done. Having promised them to friends makes it harder for me to just let them slip somehow.

speaking of... I was supposed to be turning in a fic for a challenge tomorrow. I even wrote the damn thing, but I never got it beta'd and rereading it tonight, I absolutely hate it, so I think I'm going to miss that one. I feel horrible, its the first challenge I will have ever defaulted on, but I forced the fic in the first place and I just... after this week, I don't have the energy to fix it. Maybe if I can get some sleep I can try it again, but right now? Doesn't look good. I have gorgeous boys telling me their stories in my brain and I barely have the motivation to write them...

Oh, one final note. I am prolly going to create a fic filter this weekend so as not to keep bombarding people with my writing that aren't interested. I'm pretty much going to start with my CF people on it, but if anyone is interested that isn't on CF, yell and I'll add you.

Ok, I think it's time to try that sleep thing. *hugs everyone* Thanks for being there this week, you guys rock and I appreciate you more than I can say.


Apr. 9th, 2009 10:48 pm
darling_lisa: (Migraine)
I realized something today. I need to figure out what I am going to do about my job. I have been fighting a migraine for the past few days, and today I had to call out sick from work because I was about to throw up on my keyboard 3 hours into my shift. The headset was pressing my head like a vise and the computer screen was bright enough that I had to squint to look at it through my glare guard.

75% of the year the Topamax controls my migraines wonderfully. I am down to one or two a month and they disappear easily with Zomig. But when you add in the fucked up barometric pressure and wind that we get every spring here in AZ and then factor in the 50-60 hour 6 day week work weeks during tax season and the accompanying stress... it's too much for my body to handle. I have had more migraines in the past 3 months than I do the other 9 months of the year combined. My body is trying to tell me something. Very loudly.

The thing is, I don't know how to fix it. I am going on my 4th year at a company that has been very good to me. I don't know if I can make a transition to non-phone work before next January when this all will start up again. Its all well and good for me to say that I know I need to do something, but figuring out what that is? Whole other story.

I just know that I can't keep doing this. I haven't kept solid food down for 3 days now, it all comes back up eventually. I am prolly overdosing on caffeine and ibuprofin just to try and keep things manageable. I have maxed out on my Zomig repeatedly and can't refill my RX for another 21 days anyways. My head hurts constantly. All I want to do is sleep so I can escape the pain. I've tried chiropractic, I've tried accupuncture, I've tried scary drugs that have warning packets the size of small novels. I watch what I eat and I know what foods to avoid.

Another whiney post, I know. But I needed to get it out and say it. I need a change, and this is my way of telling the universe I'm ready for it. I don't expect to have anything handed to me, but a gentle nudge in the right direction would be fantastic. Point the way, I promise I will pay attention this time.
darling_lisa: (Default)
LOL do you think it means anything when you blow your nose hard enough that your iPod earbuds fall out spontaneously?

Seem to have caught a cold in Vegas and brought it home with me. Somehow I do not want to love it and call it George. Ugh.
darling_lisa: (goggles)
Apropos of nothing, I've been on a huge musical kick lately... in the past two weeks or so I've watched most of the old Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals as well as some of my more modern favorites.  I've also been listening to the soundtrack for Sondheim's Into the Woods for the past week every time I get in my car and man, it just doesn't get old.  <3

In more fangirl news, Joss Whedon (is my Master) has gone and created a musical to be released soon... http://doctorhorrible.net/. Squee!!  Neil Patrick Harris + Nathan Fillion + Joss?  My fangirl heart may explode from the glee.  

22 days left in the filing season, and then I might get something approximating a real life back.  ::sigh:: 

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